The Truth Is...

You never know how you'll react in a situation until it happens to you.  Never in my life did I think I would be standing where I am at this moment.  I always said there is no way I would be able to handle it... no way I could deal... no way I would stay.

Yet here I am.  And it's not as I thought.  Just a few days ago my world came crashing down on me.  These days have felt like years.  I found out that all I believed was not as it seemed... that my world was a lie.

I found out that my husband was unfaithful.

He is a good man, and while my insecurities have always nagged me of the possibility, I never thought he was capable of hurting me so fully and so deeply.  One thing I always admired about him was his honesty and to find out that he was hiding so much from me completely shattered my soul.  I no longer knew this person who I had spent the last eight years of my life with.  Our love had created another life.  I just could not fathom that this was the person that I had shared everything with.

I always told him that if he ever betrayed me in such a way I would leave him.  I just knew the pain would be too much to bear.  I just knew I would never be able to let him touch me, love me, or look at me again.  I have made my decision.  I.am.staying.  I do believe this is and will be the most formidable journey of my life. I know the road will be filled with challenges beyond my comprehension, but something is keeping me strong enough to do the right thing.

This is my journey.  I feel that chronicling it will help with the healing process, will show me progress when I've lost my way, will encourage me when I feel I can't go on.  Right now I feel so completely alone.  I feel there is no one I can turn to.  I cannot talk to anyone I know because I do not want to bring shame to my husband, regardless of that shame I feel he has brought me.  While counseling is in our near future it just helps to know that I am not alone.  I know there must be others out there who are either in the same place or have been there before.

Please, if you have been there or are walking this road with me, contact me.  I could use all the encouragement I can get.  If I can bring about any good of my suffering, I choose to do so.

Mrs. E